Thursday, December 31, 2009

"The List"

I swear, the drama around this place MIGHT be almost enough to match the magic. But then again, I work in Inappropriate Letters, so maybe it just depends on where you look.
My time over the last two days has been spent
(a) reading letters to Santa that are either rants about people's dislike for what Santa brought or didn't bring, including threatening messages to Santa (or any part of the establishment here at the North Pole); also reading letters to Santa that are basically thank you letters, probably written on Christmas, while drunk, which include a few lines of "and Santa, I'd also like to throw you up against the chimney and make out with you, pressing my...up on the...of your...until you can't stand it any longer and are forced to...", and
(b) looking for Mrs. Claus.

I'm a pretty good judge of what is true and what isn't (actually Santa pointed that out to me in a conversation that we had out in the gardens a little over a week ago -- not that I didn't already know that -- we were all taking a break in the daytime hours watching a game of cricket in the packed-down snow...I was laughing to myself that the match is really just about which team's magic is stronger, as "technique" seems like a bit of a joke when you're watching a leather ball bounce over a snowy pitch), and I had a strong feeling that something in that last blackmail letter wasn't a lie. But I also know how Santa responds when you ask him a question, and I thought the swiftest path to an answer would be through Mrs. Claus. But she isn't easy to find!!

Earlier today (after I had exhausted nearly all of my obvious resources and ideas for getting in touch with her), I received a letter, typewritten on parchment, tied with this necklace. It read, "You haven't been able to find me because I've been busy preparing the New Year's Eve wardrobe for you and the others on my list. Come to my study at 5:00 PM. I have a dress for you. M.R.S. Claus"

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