Monday, January 4, 2010
Tea in Santa's Office
I have just returned from having tea with Santa in his office. He gave me a formal invitation from Mrs. Claus for dinner this evening, at their house. On a card. She sends an invitation on a card for dinner on the same day...and it's a beautifully written invitation. Wow.
But anyway, I went to talk with Santa about the robot. As I was sitting down, I noticed this book sitting on his desk. There were various papers peeking out from different places in the book, and I had the feeling I really wanted to know what was written on them. Sometimes it's like that with objects at the North Pole -- they just exert this gravitational pull, and it always feels like it would be a mistake not to look. For that reason, this book was a major distraction to me, sitting there on the desk, right within arm's reach.... Then Santa noticed the direction of my gaze and moved the book into a desk drawer.
Santa told me that the robot is definitely known for its lecherous behavior, and also that the staff is trying to figure out what its triggers are (apparently it will act strangely toward the same people over and over again, while leaving others alone) so that they can attempt to reprogram it to behave properly. He told me it would help the effort if I could retrace my steps and try to tell him the story as accurately as possible, from the robot's point of view. I thought that sounded ridiculous, but was willing to give it a try if it was going to help.
"I walked in. I hadn't been wearing a cap, and was shaking my head to get the snow off. I said hello. I took off my scarf and my gloves. I unzipped my snowsuit and took down the top half. I took the googly eyes from my pocket. I said I have a gift for you. And right about then I started to get these printou...oh wait. 'From the robot's point of view'...oh no! I understand this better now. 'Please let me hold your beautiful head' -- which I was shaking around wildly. 'Let me acknowledge all that you have to give' -- when I announced I had a gift for it. Oh dear." "But the rest WAS a bit perverted, coming from a robot!!" "Santa...I am not meant to infer that I was asking for it...am I?"
"No," he said. "Not at all. However, to the robot, it might have appeared that way."
Posted by Jeremy Lewis at 12:27 PM